Joke of the day

[Two Point Swing]

yep thats right

Imagine a prisoner in a prison. He is sentenced to death and has been told that he will be killed on one day of the following week. He has been assured that the day will be a surprise to him, so he will not be anticipating the hangman on a particular day, thus keeping his stress levels in check.

The prisoner starts to think to himself, if I am still alive on Thursday, then clearly I shall be hanged on Friday, this would mean that I then know the day of my death, therefore I cannot be hanged on Friday. Now then, if I am still alive on Wednesday, then clearly I shall be hanged on Thursday, since I have already ruled out Friday. The prisoner works back with this logic, finally concluding that he cannot after all be hanged, without already knowing which day it was.
Casually, resting on his laurels, sitting in his prison cell on Tuesday, the warden arrives to take him to be hanged, the prisoner was obviously surprised! Why?

[Two Point Swing]

What President is on the US $100 bill?

[libvaultzero]

none its ben franklin, and he was surprised because it was tuesday

[Two Point Swing]

yes on franklin, no on tuesday


During a visit to a mental asylum, a visitor asked the Director what the criteria is that defines if a patient should be institutionalized.

"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub. Then we offer a teasoops, a teacup, and a bucket to the patient and ask the patient to empty the bathtub."

Okay, here's your test:
1. Would you use the soops?
2. Would you use the teacup?
3. Would you use the bucket?

"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would choose the bucket, as it is larger than the soops."
What was the director's response?

[chsrunner2007]

A normal person would pull the drain plug

[Two Point Swing]

yeah...ive been looking through these on the internet all night and i should really stop soon.

[thecommunist]

is the prisoner surprised because he was expecting the hangman and the warden showed up?

[scdistance]

The prisoner is surprised because someone showed up to hang him... According to his logic he can't be killed but in reality his thinking is false. He says "if I am still alive on Thursday, then clearly I shall be hanged on Friday, this would mean that I then know the day of my death, therefore I cannot be hanged on Friday. Now then, if I am still alive on Wednesday, then clearly I shall be hanged on Thursday, since I have already ruled out Friday." But it is impossible to rule out Friday because his statement is based on if he were alive on Thursday(which has not happened yet). Making him a surprised man.

[Two Point Swing]

exactly right...youre told (and you believe) seemingly logical statements that would make him a free man, but none of which are realistic

[sizzlinsizzler]

you all are crazy, either im just kinda out of it, or these make no sense, this last one anyway. lets do some chuck norris ones, hehe

[hasercentury06]

no Jake...no.

[libvaultzero]

Chuck Norris it is

Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

[sizzlinsizzler]

chuck norris invented water

[thecommunist]

chuck norris is a pwn

[scdistance]

Chuck Norris's tears cure cancer, to bad he never cries.